Friday, September 11, 2015

Happy Birthday Payton!

I have a heavy heart today as the nation remembers the fallen from 9/11, my family and I are also thinking about my baby girl! This time last year I was sitting in the hospital getting induced bc we found out Payton had no heart beat! I still remember Dr. Fisher sitting in silence fighting back her tears as she told us. 

As I sat in the hospital watching my family and closest friends express their emotions, all I could do was hold mine back. I didn't know how to express mine. I don't know how to handle my own emotions let alone everyone else's! 

As Payton's birthday approaches us, I'm struggling with my emotions again! Not as if they ever went away. I'm not sure why people say time heals all wounds, bc it does not. I came across this quote: "The wounds remain. In time, the mind, protecting its sanity, covers them with scar tissue and the pain lessens. But it is never gone." Which fits perfectly! The pain has lessen over time, but the heartbreak and emotions are still there. When you tear off that scab, everything comes rushing back as if it happened yesterday! 

Having Charleston to hold close at this time makes you realize how precious life truly is. But I can't help but hate that Charleston will never know her big sister. We will never see her smile or hear her laugh, or watch her grow up... 

Tomorrow we celebrate Payton's first birthday and we have decided to celebrate it with our family! I want to do something every year weather we do it as just our little family or with our bigger family and friends. I just want to keep her memory alive and make sure her birthday is special. 

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

I surely can't imagine the pain in your heart, I cry every time I read your blogs , life is unpredictable and we have to precious each moment in our life. I had always tell you, you are an amazing strong woman and I really admire you determination. Celebrating Payton's birthday every year will be amazing, making her a part of your life and never let it forget about your beautiful angel watching over you.