Monday, August 31, 2009

Needing a dose of something....

Ever get the feeling that you're cruising down the road to no place in particular?
If you've been there, you know it's not a great feeling....

I have this sinking sensation that Im not getting anywhere I really want to go. Even though Im living a busy life, I feel like Im doing the same thing every day, week to week. I feel like my life has lost its spark - My Passion, my purpose, my reason for anything. I need a way to add a little more pizazz to my life, maybe even a change of pace. Im missing all that zest, I have no enthusiasm. Ive lost my motivation. I feel like Im trapped in my life and I have no way out.

Ive tried cleaning out the people in my life that were holding me back, I relocated to Sumter - but it seems like no matter what I do I feel like my life isnt going in the direction I want it to go. Something is missing. I try not to take things for granite. I live everyday one day at a time. What am I missing here?

Its been a year now that I have been looking for a job - yet Im still sitting here. Its frustrating. Ive applied everywhere, even out of state. Still nothing. I hate getting up in the morning bc I know theirs nothing there for me to do. I started running in the mornings to motivate myself to get up in the morning - and to loose the few pounds I've put back on. But that quickly came to a stop bc the stress is just building up and the quite time of running just gives me an hour to have it run through my head like a never ending shitty movie.

I used to have so many friends that once wanted me in their life, but it seems like they all got there life on track and ive been left to hang dry on my own. I have 3 girls that say they are my best friends but when it comes down to hanging out, its always has to be on there time. Everyone wants to hang out, and when I come into town - I hear from no one! The only person I ever hear from is my ex. Which is fine - I guess you can say he's still a good friend, seeing as were better friends then being in a relationship together. Its hard not to be friends with him, we have an 8 well almost 9 year past. I dont mind hanging out with him once in a while, but hello he is my ex. And he is my ex for a reason. It seems like when I do hang out with the people who I call a friend is when I make plans. I love my girls, and I love all my friends, but why am I the only one making plans to hang out with people?

Even my family has slowly wiggled there way out of my life - seeing as they have gotten there life on track. My baby sister is a full time student trying to finish her BA in Teaching, while also holding a full time job down and being a full time mommy. I guess you could say Im jealous of her. But what is new, Ive looked up to my baby sister my entire life. She has no time for me. Theres no hanging out on Saturdays anymore. No Shopping or just hanging out. My mom is finally happy with her life. She found a wonderful person to spend her life with - She got married and they do so much stuff together. They never slow down. You would think at the age of 26 I would have my life started or at least in the direction I want it to go.

I wouldnt say my relationship with Steven is a part of my frustration - His smile is actually one reason I do get up in the morning. Our relationship is a little different then what Im used to, which is kinda nice bc obviously what Im used to hasnt worked in the past.

I guess you could say the frustrating part in our relationship is that I dont feel as its a relationship at times. Sometimes I think he changed his facebook status bc ppl were constantly asking him about me/us and it was just easier to do.

He's such a hard person to get to open up and thats frustrating to me, bc im like an open book. I will tell you things even if you dont ask. Thats a trait I have, that I hate. I wish I was a closed person at times. He doesnt really talk about anything unless I ask the questions and I dont know what questions to ask to get him to open up to me, to get him to talk about anything. When I try to be serious his "pricedollaz" personality comes out. Like he's scared to open up with me, or scared to get serious.

Im also a very affectionate person and he is not. I love to give out hugs and kisses and I just want to be loved and noticed. Im a very touchy feely person so I show my feelings. I cant really tell you what I want or how I feel, but I can defiantly show you - I guess being a photographer is a plus on that. I show the world what I see, what I feel, how I think, and Im the same way in a relationship.

Im a hopeless romantic and I live my life listening to country music bc there is always a song that fits my day perfect. I wish country music didnt exist bc then every girl in this world wouldnt be wondering where the perfect guy is. That guy in music and movies dont exist. To be honest every guy is perfect for someone. Every guys or even girl has their flaws. But once you find that person you enjoy spending time with you even love the little flaws - including a "pricedollaz" personality.

Im not a good talker face to face. I like to text or put my thoughts or problems on paper, it helps better. When I talk face to face, Im an emotional person. I prefer to get my feelings out with out getting interrupted with my emotions. When talking face to face I dont always get out what I want, I get side tracked. Ive learned to control my emotions with small things. Counting down from five tapping each finger usually stops my emotions. Repeating it or how fast I tap is an indication of how strong my emotions are. Thats actually something Ive never told anyone.

I just need to find my place in the world. The place where Im needed and wanted.

Debordieu SC - Pawleys Island

"The Twins - Anderson & Lil David"

[Camera Time]

[Weee...(Lile David) & some kisses]

[Lunch Time]

[Anderson LOVES his mac n cheese - mmmmm]

[Getting into everything (Anderson climbing on fruniture)
- How far can they push their luck]

[Lil David found the place mats]

[Day on the Beach]

[Anderson headed straight for the water]

[Lil David didnt care for the Beach, Sand or Sun]

[Anderson felt the need to eat the sand]

[Anderson excited about the pool]

[Lil David Stylin & Profiling]

As you can see these boys are cute as buttons! I had sooo much fun with the Wells Family this week at the Beach. They were a handful, but defiantly worth my time. I didnt realize how much these little guys could brighten my days. They have stolen my heart - Can you love two guys at once?

[The Wells Family]

[Mommy playing Photographer]

[My GOOFY Parents]

[BEST FRIENDS - Mom & Mary]

Wednesday, August 19, 2009

SC State Fair Entries for 2009

I am putting two pictures in to the State Fair gallery! I have entered them into the Amateur Division. Seeing as this is my first year, I wasnt sure what to expect. So make sure you look for my pictures, they are up for sale as well! I can print more if more people want copies

"The Forgotten Train Track"

"Walk A Mile In My Boots"

Wednesday, August 12, 2009


The New Moon Trailer has been released. I am so excited and can not wait. Movie. In theaters November 20th, 2009!! I need to re read the books and make sure I have Twilight read before the movie comes out so I can have a fresh mind of what is happening..

Wednesday, August 5, 2009

Need your Opinions!

Okay fellow Photographers & Friends! I need your help. I have chosen a photograph that I really love, but cant decide if I like it better in black & white or sepia. So I need your help, if you could respond with a comment and let me know which one you like better and for what reason.




Thanks Everyone for your help &hearts Bjana