Happy 5th Birthday, Emersyn!

Dear Emersyn,

Today you are five. FIVE. Five. I just need to say it a few times because this is a BIG one to me. You’re FIVE!!!

I am sort of in denial that you are now five. Five sounds so very big to me. Your not a toddler and most certainly, not a baby. But that doesn’t change the fact that you are and always will be MY baby. We have heard about all your birthday plans for months, so it’s safe to say we’re going to have a blast celebrating Saturday! 

Your fifth birthday means starting kindergarten in the fall. You love to learn and can’t wait to go to school. You know your letters and numbers pretty well, we are still working on them bc you like to say them super fast and forget one or two. You have the spelling of your first name down pat, but your still working on your middle & last name. But your determined to have it before you start school! 

You love playing pretend and dressing up. You love anything that twirls or has a tutu! You are shoe girl, just like me and will rock anything with a sparkly heel. You love playing outside, riding your bike, roller skating, hanging out at the beach and everything baseball! 

You put on your own clothes. You like to help in the kitchen like your sister. You get your own drink from the fridge. You feel less like my baby and more like my big girl.

You are 5 and you are brave, independent, stubborn, strong-willed, loving, bossy, cuddly, and tough all in one. You are perfectly you.

Every day I ask myself to help me make you & your sister the best versions of yourself. To parent the children I have, not the ones I think you should be. And as I help you both become the best versions of yourself, you both make me a better me.

I’ll never forget the laughter that fills our house from you and Charleston’s giggles, your love of shopping, all things girly, and eating out. You love trips to target, eating mac n cheese or pizza! Playing with your Daddy is one of your favorite things and you love girl time with mommy. You would love it  if you could spend everyday with your cousins! You and your sister are best friends and partners in crime. You have so much fun together and you are such a good little sister. Your world is filled with Barbies, American girl dolls, Coloring, Painting, Playing dress up & Imaginary play.

Your 5-year-old world is so wonderful, I never want to leave. I just want time to stop this very second. To pause long enough that I can remember every little thing you said and every little thing that you did. While you find out who you are, I embrace every single thing about you that makes you you, from the good to the bad.

With every joy and setback of your life, you move forward and so do I. Soon, you will be walking into the school with Charleston. You will have new friends and teachers in your world that I won't quite know. Life will feel less safe and scarier. I will hold my breath and hope more. I will hope the world is kind to you both when my eyes are not on you.

But I know you will make me proud. I know you will shine.

Happy 5th Birthday sweet girl!!

We love you so much! 

Read the rest of my blog here.

Happy 5th Birthday, Charleston!

Dear Charleston, 

The day is finally here. You're 5! 

It's not 13. Sixteen. Twenty-one.

But 5, it seems so . . . so big! 

A birthday of 5 means the end of preschool days. Swimming on your own (almost). Running free in the back yard or riding your bike on your own. Coloring in the lines of your coloring books. Dancing and twirling through out the house and practicing your cartwheel whenever you can! Five means you're still a child, but yet you're so independent.

You put on your own clothes. You get your own drink from the fridge. You like to help in the kitchen, You feel less like my baby and more like my little girl.

Every year, you grow into who you are destined to be. You become more defined. More yourself. More beautifully you. Soon you’ll be going off to school, and creating a life for yourself that is less dependent on me every day. Your world will expand to include new teachers, new friends, and new experiences that won’t include me.

And that’s wonderful!

I envy the fun you’re going to have, the things you’re going to learn, and the people you’re going to meet. To you the world is fresh and new, and something to be amazed by. Learning something new every day comes naturally to you because your heart and mind are so open to the wonders around you.

When you walk into a room and talk to someone new, you bring a smile to their face. Your joy in life brings joy to others. And it pours out to every person you interact with on a daily basis.

You are compassionate. If someone is hurt, you want them to feel better. If someone is sad, you want them to feel happy. And if you don’t know what is wrong with someone, you want to find out. I love your heart for people. I wish we all had a piece of that. 

I want you to remember, there will be challenges over the next five years. You will find that not everyone is nice like your family. There will be other kids who will be mean to you and Emersyn and try and tell you things which aren’t true. But I will be here for you both. And so will your dad.

We will not be able to keep you girls from the sadness in the world, and you will make mistakes. Lots. And lots of mistakes, but we will help you learn to cope with it and teach you how important you girls sticking up for each other is. I don’t want to shield you from the sadness and difficulty, but you girls won’t have to face it alone.

Because those experiences have value too. You will learn how to handle difficulties, and become an unstoppable woman. You will handle the mean girls, and become a better person for it. You will have your heart broken, and learn that you deserve better. 

We learn more from our mistakes than we do from being right all the time. We become better people when we are faced with those who seek to tear us down. We join a sisterhood of strong, confident, kick-ass woman when we survive our childhoods.

But through all of this, I want you to remember one thing...

You are 5 and you are brave, independent, stubborn, strong-willed, loving, warm, bossy, difficult, easy, cuddly, and tough all in one. You are like me and like your dad, but you are not like me and you are not like your dad. You are perfectly you, and I will love you through it all. 

There is nothing you can do, nothing you can say, to make me think otherwise.

So I will be here to listen when you need an ear to bend. I will be here to hold your hand when you need a boost of courage. I will be here to wipe your tears when someone breaks your heart.

In me you will always have a safe place. A soft place to fall. A place where you can be totally, completely yourself, even if yourself is awkward, nerdy, self-conscious, unsure, know-it-all, sometime inappropriate girl who’s still trying to figure out exactly who she is.

But I know you will make me proud. I know you will shine.

This is life at 5. And I wouldn't stop it for the world, but I sure wouldn't mind pausing it.

I love you.

Happy birthday,

Your proud mother

Happy 5th Birthday Payton

Happy Birthday Payton Bjana!! 

5 years ago, my world was turned upside down and at that time, I wasn’t sure how I was supposed to get through it. 

In the years following my daughter's funeral, I discovered, no matter how great my loss, or how deep my grief, the world does not stop. In fact, it intensifies.

I remember thinking… how can I ever be happy again? Be able to have more children and not feel guilty. I felt as though my pain was visible to others, and I would forever be wearing grief as a mask and a tagline…”I’m Bjana Carbonaro and I’ve lost my baby to stillborn.”

But for me to survive this, I had to get my feelings out. Everyone who knows me knows I don’t do well with emotions. I didn’t know how to grieve with others, especially my husband or family. My husband and I grieved separately and still to this day, that missing link plays a toll on our marriage. 

Most of you followed my pregnancy journey on my blog and I knew writing is what helped me with my emotions! Every post from my blog was first written in my notes on my phone several times over before ever posted to my blog (Including this post your reading now). 

I said to myself “write, just write.” It took me a while to actually get anything started or to figure out what my feelings and emotions were. I discovered my writing was my safe haven to empty the well of my sorrow, and for a little while, I could let my emotions rest.

I kept writing. Words pulled me and pushed me. As weeks went on, I’d read back over my notes. I began to see something remarkable... I’d survived another day, another week, another month; and I was growing stronger. I’d see words of hope illuminating my way.

Healing is not on a timetable. In fact, time doesn’t fix this kind of loss. Healing comes from actively pursuing life again. After awhile, you’ll look back on your words and not recognize the person you once were. You’ll see how strong you really are.

I used to believe the cliché “everything happens for a reason,” but with this kind of tragedy, it seems to be reversed. When a tragedy like this happens, it can be the starting place to give it reason and relevance. When you recognize this, it’s the moment your grieving will shift. As time went on, I was able to reach that peaceful feeling more frequently. I had the power within my notes to compartmentalize my sorrow. Once you’re aware of what it feels like, you’ll be able to access it more easily.

It’s been 5years since my beautiful daughter left this earth and sometimes tears still surprise me. Healing doesn’t mean you’ll never feel the sadness. It means you’ll be able to have memories without attaching intense despair.

Payton was the one who made me a mom. Her death was the birth of my new life... learning how to live with her loss, and recognizing who I am because of it. I chose resilience and my writing was a big part of helping me rise up.

The loss of Payton taught me to love harder, to hold my girls closer, to hold my nephew and nieces closer and to appreciate every single day. It taught me to reach out to others and begin sharing my story in hopes it could reassure other wounded parents there is life after loss.

As the years go by, I’ve learned a mother’s love never diminishes; in fact, my love for my daughter has grown, just as it would have if she was still alive. I am still her mother and not a day goes by I don’t say I love you or think about her. 

I heard someone say once the best way to honor your child is by healing! It may not always be the easiest thing, but taking one day at a time is a good start! Every year for Payton’s birthday we go to dinner followed by a cupcake celebration at her grave. We go to dinner for everyone’s birthday in the family so doing this lets the girls get involved with her birthday too. They both know who Payton is and that she is in heaven watching over us. We have never hidden anything about Payton from the girls. If you know Charleston, you know she loves questions and she has asked every question in the book her toddler mind could think of. Knowing both girls love their big sister so much has helped my healing process. 

As we celebrate the life we envisioned for Payton today, I ask everyone who is still reading this to say a little pray for my family and I! Don’t be alarmed if I start crying if you say something... I can usually keep my emotions in check till someone says something. I absolutely appreciate the love and support that pours in from our friends and family on this day! We love all of you! 

Letters to Emersyn - 1 Year Old

Dearest Emersyn!

Happy birthday, sweet girl! You might be our second (third), but you have given us so many first. And somehow, you’ve made motherhood feel brand new all over again. 

You will never understand (until maybe your a mom) how badly I wanted you. Before your big sister celebrated her first birthday, we had set our sights on you. My patience got the best of me waiting on you. For every month that passed without news that God was making you was a blessing in disguise. 

The quiet time we shared those nine months was something beautiful and terrifying. You didn’t let me rest much (and you still don’t), you were always on the move. The doctors monitored me closely because blood work was off in the beginning. We got to know you pretty well with all the ultrasounds and doctor visits. You wanted the world to know you were coming and you had big things to do.
Walking at 10 months was defiantly one of them. Now your cruising on your way.
I love that your still a snuggler! You always greet me with the biggest hug you can give, and now your always giving kisses too. You absolutely love to just sit in my lap or whoever's and hang out. Its the cutest.

Some advice for you and your sister that you won't understand for quite some time, But I write these letters now in hopes that you'll will look back on them later. There is so much about you that is already so unique and special. Don't lose that fire and determination you have in your eye. In life you will come up against many challenges. I wish it was not true but that's how it goes. There will be days and people that will seem determined to get you down. You will fail test, arrive late to important meetings, receive a speeding ticket, or have a falling-out with a friend. The bubble that your daddy and I have tried to build around you both with pop. Life will not always, at least not every day, be as sweet as it is now. But that's okay. I want to give you the tools you will need to get though it all. Most of these tools you already have in your belt. And you have a whole bunch of people in your circle who love you dearly.

One of the biggest things I can teach you and your sister.. is Don't be a bully. Don't give in to the crown that makes you think it's okay to hurt someone or put them down. Every person is special and should be treated with respect. If you see it happening, speak up. The only way to stop them is to confront them.

Finally, my sweet girl, I don't want you to ever stop dancing. I don't care if you don't know the moves (like me most of the time). It isn't important how high your leg goes or if your head is moving to the beat. Music has a profound power over you already, I can see it. I turn on the music and you instantly bust a move. You absolutely love to dance and it makes me smile every time you start moving.

As you navigate through life's joys and challenges, please keep this in mind. You are able to move people, to shift emotions, with just the sway of your hips. Whatever you are up against, whomever breaks your heart. Wherever your big dreams take you and however little you have in your pocket, don't stop. Let the worries wash away as you turn the volume up and get moving. It's a beautiful and crazy life, my sweet girl. Don't back down - just keep dancing through it.

One year down and many more to go. No matter where you go or what you do, may your mother's words remain in your head and your heart. I love you. There's nothing truer.

Always, 

Mommy 

Emersyn’s Cake Smash

Emersyns cake smash session was def an interesting one! I did it by myself with a two year old running around. Remind me next time to make sure I have someone to help me! Lol. 

Emersyn Birthday theme is of course Kate Spade! I’m so excited for her Birthday Party! Her cake smash turned out so cute! Although she was not sure about the cake.. when it fell over she was like what happened.. and then she was done! 

 

Letters to Emersyn - 11 Months Old

Dear Emersyn,

I have been so behind on this post! I’m not ready for you to be 11 months.. that means your almost ONE!! Which also means your that much closer to being a toddler rather than a baby. I am not ready for that by any means.
This past month has gone by so fast! The older you get the faster time goes by. You went from my squishy little baby to the toddler on the go.. In less then a year!

But you are such a goofball and happy baby. You can wave and blow kisses and Daddy taught you how to high five. Your picking up on so much more these days. 

Waking up every morning and see you giggling and playing in your crib waiting for the day to start can brighten any mood you wake up in. When Charleston and I walk in to get you out of bed, you have the biggest smile on your face. I just gobble you up and kiss you all over and you just giggle and giggle. You will never know how much your daddy and I love you and your sister. We our so blessed to call you our girls.

You started walking! Yes I know I'm aware I said walking! We talked about this a little in the last blog, but nothing like you have been this past month. Its crazy to see how fast you can move around these days. Keeping you still is locked up with the key thrown away. You love chasing Charleston around or even Hera. You three are like the 3 musketeers. Ready for trouble.

Every time I look in your mouth you have gained more teeth. Currently you have 8 teeth. Which your right on track with Charleston. She had about the same amount on her first birthday. You love all food.. just like your sister. Everything you have tried you have loved. I'm hoping it stays that way too. You love your food though. I have been unsuccessful from spreading out your bottles / meals. No matter what you eat.. your ready to eat 4 hours later. On the dot! Your favorite snacks include yogurt melts and puffs. Even though you still prefer your bottle, turkey is def your favorite food. You will take that from Charleston's hands in a heart beat.

We don't see the pediatrician again till your one year check up. I have put you on our scale a few times. I believe you were roughly 18lbs the last time I checked. Your still wearing 6 months clothes for the most part, but your starting to wear some 9 month clothes depending on brand. Your still in size 3 diapers. You love the water, but you hate the bath. I haven't figured this one out yet. But were still working on that one.

You did have one of your first butt explosions this month. You have had a few but nothing that came out of the diaper.. this one.. I got you out of your crib bc you were crying and hungry so I changed your diaper and put you in the rock n play and went to kitchen to make your bottle. I was not gone 5 minutes and I come back to my room and I'm thinking to myself.. why does it smell like a poopy diaper in here. I turn the light on you and you are COVERED... I mean covered head to toe! It was coming out every angle possible of your diaper and you were just laughing. It was not funny by the least. I did laugh though. I picked you up and held you at arms length and just put you in the tub. Rinsed you off.. put the rock n play cover in the washer. Put you back in the crib and gave you your bottle. Mommy laid back done. I was done mommy-ing after that one. Lol. I'm sure it wont be the last though.

My favorite thing about this month is you started giving kisses back. Your eskimo kisses are the best. I absolutely love when you walk over and just crawl in my lap. You don't snuggle too often, but when you do its the cutest and I take in every minute of it. You have never been one that needed rocked or snuggled to go to bed. You would prefer me to just put you in the rock n play or even the mamaroo and you just rock yourself to sleep. I have a love hate relationship with that. It makes things easier on some nights, because Charleston is still a snuggler and still wants one of us to cuddle her to sleep.

This next few weeks watching you turn into a toddler is going to be hard for me, so I may steal a lot more kisses from you. Don't worry you probably wont remember then when you get older!

Mommy loves you sweet girl! 

Letters to Emersyn - 10 Months Old

Dear Emersyn, 

I feel like I’ve blinked and you’ve become a little girl. I can’t believe you are now cruising on furniture, playing with blocks and balls and would rather stand than crawl. You even took your first mini step! I almost fell out my seat! We were at the mall and you were standing and I was taking pictures of you and sure enough u lifted one leg and took a step! I’m sure a few heads turned when I got excited. 

But the reason we were at the mall is bc we finally got your ears pierced! Yay!!! We were a little behind bc we did your sisters at 7months. You were really sure what was going on and you were not happy when it was finished. But that last a whole 5mins and you were perfectly fine after mommy cuddles! And you look so adorable with them pierced! 

This past month has been a very busy one for you. We started out the month at Disney. When we left the parks we stayed at Grandpa Terry’s and Grandpa Stacey’s house! We even got to see Grandpa & Grandma Carbonaro some. You enjoy seeing everyone. We spent the day at the park with my cousin Emily and her little boy Oliver and Aunt Cindy! Before we left you girls also got to spend some time with your Great Grandma & Great Grandpa Hoey! You girls just love them. 

You have officially said your first word “MOMMA!” I was so happy! Your daddy says Charleston first word was “dada” but I disagree bc all babies usually start with “dada da dada.” But you stand at my legs saying momma momma momma! It’s so cute .. but I’m pretty sure it’s you just wanting a bottle! 

You also learned to wave so you wave to everyone that passes by. I love that you are kind. You find joy in other people’s smiles, especially mine and daddy’s & Charleston’s. Your sweet laugh is contagious.

The best part about this past month was your very first Christmas! Your eyes lite up every time you saw Christmas lights. I could see the magic of Christmas in your eyes. Just the way it should be. Christmas morning was so much fun watching you and Charleston open presents. You were a little confused on what was going on, but you loved playing with all the toys. 

I am now starting to plan your first birthday, can you guess the theme? Haha of course - Kate Spade! Mommys favorite & your nursery is in the same color scheme. I have not purchased anything but I have a list on amazon ready to be purchased. I think I’ve decided to do cupcakes for your party but we will do a cake smash session her in the next few weeks. Safe to say you will devour whatever you have. You currently have 5 teeth, 3 on the top and 2 on the bottom. You  get so excited when it’s time to go in the high chair. You know your about to get food. You love ham and turkey and even chicken. You also love mash potatoes and sweet potatoes. Of course quacamole. Just like your sister your always stealing my herbalife shakes. 

Mommy loves you always! 

Letters to Emersyn - 9 Months Old

Dear Emersyn,

The year of your birth is coming to a close and we are ready to start the new year with you! There will be a lot of wonderful things in store for our family in 2018 and everything we do, we do for you and your sister. I have said it before, but it is worth repeating…we are smitten by you.  Sometimes, after you go to sleep, I find myself curled up on the couch scrolling through pictures of you, remembering both the moments when you were teeny tiny and the current moments of the day. Our house is full of such happy sounds and I am so blessed to wake up to such a beautiful and HAPPY family every single day. 

Since learning to crawl, you’ve been getting into all sorts of mischief. You will no longer sit still for more than about 0.00002 of a second, as you just want to crawl off somewhere! 

Two days after you learned how to crawl, you learned how to pull yourself up and stand. Since then you’ve learned how to shimmy your way along furniture and other things. You can also walk if someone holds your hands, but the balance isn’t quite there yet. Still, you look so excited!

We have tried some more foods! You love it all. I haven’t found anything you don’t like yet. You get mad though if we don’t feed you our food, and as much as you get excited for baby food it does not come out fast enough for you. You def eat more then Charleston did at this age, but you are so much smaller. 

Speaking of eating, you have 2 teeth on the bottom and 1 tooth on the top that has broke through and the one next too it is is trying to break through. It should be all the way out by the end of the month. 

We have moved your crib down two levels bc you like to stand and play in your crib. You have no problems with your crib and sleep pretty good in it. We have officially stopped using the rock n play. You still wake up about 4am but we started just giving you your bottle in the crib bc you will fall back to sleep afterwards. And you usually sleep to about 8am now. 

We have done some traveling this month. For Thanksgiving we went to Albany GA to meet papas family! So you got to meet great Grandpa and Great Grandma and all the aunts and uncles from that side of the family. It was the first time Charleston met them too! We had a lot of fun and of course you two were the talk of the day! A week after coming back from GA we went to Disney!! Not your first trip but you understood a little more! You got to meet Minnie and Mickey! You loved Mickeys nose! You were kissing all over it. You even got to see Donald and Goofy! They made you giggle too! You loved it! I’m sure they did too! 

I can not wait to see you on your first Christmas morning! Your at the perfect age too! 

Merry Christmas, sweet girl! We love you more than you will ever know.

Letters to Emersyn - 8 Months Old

Dear Emersyn!

Today you are eight months old! Goodness gracious, EIGHT months! I might as well start planning your 1st birthday. You will soon realize I am a planner and love hosting things. I have given it some honest thought though, I'm keeping with the Kate Spade theme. So your Birthday party with me black, white, gold and a hint of hot pink! Just like your bedroom....your baby shower was the same theme too.

Every day seems to go faster and faster, making us suddenly at eight months. Your continuing to change before my very eyes and you continue to become more fun everyday. This month, you ceased to be my tiny baby girl and became what I refer to you as, "my grown up baby.

This month you started sitting up and you also became mobile. You started crawling and exploring and going after what you want. You no longer lay on the floor playing with toys, but instead seek after whatever you can see and reach. These things tend to be on the dangerous side - the fireplace, electrical outlets, and power cords. The house is already child-proof, but you are continuing to keep us on our toes.

And as if crawling weren't enough, you have also learned to pull yourself up. You stand in your crib. Your pulling up on all the furniture. You even moved between two objects while standing yesterday. Stop that! Stop that behavior that resembles walking. You are my wittle bitty baby!

You are becoming so much more aware of yourself and of your surroundings. You're curiosity gets the best of you, especially when shopping with mommy and grandma - you just look around and take in your surroundings with such wonderment. But it seems like you are happy to go along on any adventure. You love playing with your toes and putting them in your mouth. You only have 2 teeth but you are drooling buckets and leaving puddles. When you see food, you must have it. Your favorites would have to be honey crisp apples and sweet potatoes too. You did get your first taste of some water and aloe. You loved it, just like your sister. Bath time has become so fun with you. You had your first bath in grandmas sink. I think you were a little confused but quickly had fun splashing the water everywhere. Now that you can sit up unassisted your enjoying things a lot more.

We don't see the pediatrician till next month, but I am guessing your roughly 15lbs. You were 13lbs in September. You can wear anything from 3 to 6 months clothes. Anything bigger then that is still too big. We have graduated up to size 3 diapers, but you still have lots of room to grow in them. I have a feeling you will be in those for a while, your sister was. We are still struggling with shoes. Unfortunately you have wide feet like your sister, so finding shoes that fit are not easy. We have a few pairs for Charleston that fit you. Your not so sure about them. Your only getting used to having socks on your feet too.

During the week, we stay fairly busy outside the house. We have our mommy and me workouts we go to. I think its your favorite time of the day, you get so many cuddles from everyone and you can now chase all the kids around the studio. I'm sure this is were you are learning all those big kid things like crawling, pulling up and almost walking. You sleep so well afterwards. Usually about 2 hours. When you wake up, I always hear you cooing and babbling away in your crib. Your night sleep schedule has changed a little though, you like to get up between 4 and 5 to get a bottle, but quickly go back to sleep to about 7:30ish when your sister wakes up and runs in to give you hugs and kisses. You love everything about her. She can always make you giggle...its so cute.

Life with you at eight months old couldn't be any better. You are such a happy baby and you and your sister can charm us all day long with those giggles and smiles. The love you have for your sister and even your puppy is amazing. I am looking forward to the Holiday season with you and your sister as we do a bit of traveling.

I love you sweet girl.

Letters to Emersyn - 7 Months Old

Dear Emersyn,

You are 7months old. This number blows my mind! When did you get so big? But your still so little! We don’t see the doctor this month.. but from your previous appointment - I’m guessing your roughly 14lbs. Which I believe Charleston was 16lbs at 7months. So your a little smaller. 

Your still in 3-6months clothes & size 3 diapers. 

You have ventured into the world of solid foods. You love Honey Crisp Apples, Pears, Pumkin & Sweet Potatoes. You were not too sure of the mangos. So we will try those again later. You did try some quacamole and you loved it. Of course! It’s so good! You even had your first taste of an Herbalife Shake! Your eyes got so big and you wanted more and more! Once you figure out how to use a straw I’m sure I will have you fighting for my shakes too! Your two bottom front teeth are completely in now - although you would think your ready for reg food. Your always grabbing for it. 

You are now mobile. You army crawl like a pro. I know it will only be days before you get this crawling thing down. You are so determined to do everything Charleston does! You have really figured out how to use those hands and feet. Grabbing and kicking everything. Your just like your big sister at this age. You love for me to carry you so you can hold on to the shopping cart. I think we’re going to have another shopper on our hands. You also started pulling up on things this past month and sitting up a little on your own. I’m going to need you to slow down just a tad. Your growing way to fast. 

Your still sleeping like pro at night. Usually asleep before 8 and your up at 6:30 to eat, but sometimes fall back asleep after you eat. You always wake up happy and ready to start the days. You have started fighting naptime some, but sleep usually wins. Your naps can last anywhere from an hour to 3hours. Now if I could get yours and Charleston nap to overlap some so I can get some work done. A mom can only hope right?!?! Lol. 

Oh sweet girl! I know I can not stop or slow time down! All I ask is you stay a baby as long as you can! I love watching you grow and see your little personality shine through! I absolutely love watching you and your sister become best friends! I am blessed to be your mommy! 

Love you always! 

Letters to Emersyn - 6 Months Old

My little Emersyn! 

At six months you’re as eager as ever to get moving. You’re frustrated when you can’t reach things and let out a yelp of irritation. You’re happiest on your belly, kicking around and pulling yourself in a circle as you try (and try and try) to navigate your way across the room. Whenever I put you down to play on your back you roll over and often twist yourself around like a baby compass. Your little legs never stop kicking. Even when you’re sleeping you move so much – often waking yourself up. You can get up on all 4 now, but you have not officially started crawling yet. I give it a month and you will be all over the place. Slow down little one, stay still a little longer.

We don't see the pediatrician till Wednesday so for your unofficial numbers.. you weigh roughly 12.5 pounds. Your still wearing 3month clothes and size 2 diapers but I think we're about to move you up to size 3. You do so much better with hair bows then Charleston ever did! Yay, bc we have so many. Lol. We did try a pair of shoes the other day - you were very confused on what was on your feet! But they stayed on for the most part. We will just have to keep working with them. 

And sweet girl, you don’t know it, but you have a sister who watches over you from heaven. Her name is Payton and she would have been 3 years old this month. She didn’t make it though, and that makes Mommy and Daddy very sad. But we are lucky to have such a sweet little guardian angel to take care of you and Charleston. 

Mommy and Daddy are so glad that you found us. I never could’ve imagined that you would be so perfect! I LOVE your head full of Aubrun hair, and you look just like me! Makes your daddy mad both of you girls look like me! I tell people I plan on taking over the world by cloning little mini me's! You girls may look like me, but you do have some of your daddy's traits. You both have his wide feet! Ughhh! Makes it hard for finding shoes that fit. Charleston got Daddy's curls, we will soon find out if you got them as well. But it looks like you will have super fine hair like me. Charleston does too. Your has more red then hers! Which I love. Your grandma Sherri has red hair. I have red highlights, I was hoping one of you girls would have red hair so we will see how things change as you grow. 

We haven't officially started you on solid foods yet but we did give you some sweet potatoes and boy did you love them!!! Avacodos are my first choice of foods to start you on, so we will see what foods you like here soon. 

Don't grow too fast sweet girl. Mommy loves you! 

Letters to Emersyn - 5 Months Old

Dear Emersyn! 

You’ve started to laugh and it lights up the whole room when you do! Your generous smile (you always have one for Mommy!) is what keeps me going, even when you wake me in the middle of night, which is a rare occasion. And it's usually only bc you lost your pacifier. 

Your a happy baby. You smile all the time, and giggle too. This month I've seen you fall so in love with your sister. She's your favorite person. She does a little dance, and you crack up. You watch her every move all over the house. 

You get so excited about life sometimes that you squeal at the top of your little lungs! You’ve also just started to blow raspberries and spit bubbles. You’re fascinated by the world around you and you like to learn about thing by putting them in your mouth to feel what there all about. Your drooling puddles but I haven't seen any teeth break through. 

You love being on your changing table, and your tiny toes always seem to make their way to your mouth when you’re on it. I think they taste best at a higher altitude.

You don’t like tummy time so much, but who needs it anyway! You can hold up your sweet little auburn head just fine. Your rolling around like crazy! Your even scooting around some, which I'm not quite ready for that one! Your never in the same spot I leave you at.

You haven’t started solids yet, but you will in a month or so…no rush, right sweet girl? We have tried a little bit of oatmeal in your milk, but I'm not seeing it keep you any more fuller. Your still eating 6 oz. about every 4 hours. Sometimes longer sometimes shorter. 

You really like to be held. People say that I’m going to spoil you, but they don’t know that you just need a little extra comfort sometimes. This world may be exciting, but it can be big and scary for little babies too. Mommy knows. Big sister knows too, bc she's always trying to comfort you when you cry. Even if you don't want your pacifier she is sure to make sure you have it. 

We saw the pediatrician this month. You were 12lbs 7oz. Don't get me started on your height. You are 25inches long. That's the 67th percentile. Where are you getting your height? Defiantly not for me! I'm forever short! You just might be taller then your sister. 

You’re growing and changing, Emersyn. It’s what you’re supposed to do, but Mommy just wants to bottle your 5 month-old sweetness for now. Please don’t grow up too fast!

I am forever yours, sweet girl.

Love, Mommy